carl that kills people

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neyagawa:

foxnewsofficial:

you could really fuck with your baby if you get something embarrassing tattooed on the top of their head when they’re born and don’t tell them then they go bald 50 years later like what the fuck

never become a parent

madeofbutts:

*in a haunted house* *walls start bleeding and spell 6  6  6*

*pulls out sharpie and makes it 69  69  69*

(Source: lowsun)

daftpnk:


now hold on just a diddly-darn minute

daftpnk:

now hold on just a diddly-darn minute

(Source: onetinyhand)

(Source: kidzombie)

In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

cumillionaire:

If my jokes offend you:

  1. I’m sorry
  2. It won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. You’re a pussy

(Source: 69shadesofgray)

aphrodisijack:

stop replacing mirrors with ‘you look fine’ signs i know i look fine that’s why i want to look in the mirror

hrmphfft:

so I’ve come across my fair share of glitches in my short time playing skyrim, but I don’t think anything can beat the impromptu riverdance performance my followers just held

image

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)

dampsandwich:

the return of rave dad